Two Sides to Every Divorce

For most of us, the pain, hurt, anger, disappointment, etc., tends to get in the way of thinking rationally when we are divorcing or divorced. A wise friend named Patty Cook gave me this advice in regards to taking sides or only listening to one side of someone's story. I thought it was very helpful and forward thinking.

Be very careful about getting too enrolled in one person's story - it takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to break one up, and personal responsibility goes a long way toward easing the pain, suffering and anger. After all, our own behavior is ultimately all we can control, anyway. When we buy into and feed another's shame, blame and justifications, we truly are not helping. Instead, we'd be better to encourage them to take a stand FOR something during the process.

For example, Bill and I have three things we stand for even though our marriage is over: Preservation of our friendship; love honor and respect the other; and to always hold the intention that BOTH of us come out on top. It is nothing short of miraculous what can take place when you come from a strong stand for something.

What your friend stands for will be different, perhaps, and what she stands for might be different than her husband's, but whatever values she chooses to stand for will guide her behavior, her actions and her reactions and lead to a more peacable divorce than being adversarial.

I couldn't have said it better.

To your new life...
Claire

Tags: | Divorce | Divorce Issues | Starting Over