How To Be A Good Divorced Parent

First of all, my scope on this matter isn't all that broad, but I have talked to a lot of people and here's some tips that they gave me...

• Make smart choices about sleeping, eating, exercise and mental health. My neighbor's ex decided that he wanted out when she was pregnant with her second child. So, she basically raised both children by herself. The ex was not involved. When she found out I was divorcing, her advice was that I could raise healthy children of divorce if I was healthy in every aspect.
  
• Never argue with your ex in front of your kids. You will have to join the "fake it until you can make it" club and I know it's really difficult to not scream and yell at them, but your kids will be much happier if they don't see their parents rehashing their crap over and over. The favorite way for my ex and I to communicate is email. That way I can think about my reply before sending. I can be a hot-head, so it's the best for me.
• Allow your children to express their feelings, share experiences with the other parent and complain, if necessary. It was really hard for me to hear all of the stuff my kids were doing with my ex and his girlfriend, but my kids needed me to hear what they had to say. It wasn't about me, it was about them sharing. It's also hard when they complain that you're divorced or that they're mad at your for getting a divorce. The thing is, they are processing and need to get those thoughts out.
• Set up boundaries and rules at your house. My kids know that what's accepted at their dad's house isn't necessarily accepted at mine. We have rules about how we spend money, the words we use and how we treat each other. Kids are always trying to play one parent off of the other.
  
• Make sure you sit down with your kids and go over schedules and calendars. Divorce is confusing with two different houses and it helps give clarity to the kids to know their schedules a head of time.
• Make your house their home. Their bedrooms need to be filled with comfort items, pictures of both parents, family, pets, and things that make them feel safe.
  
• Share the silly with them. Whether it's dancing when they get home from their dad's, game night, movie night or some other thing you choose to do, make sure that they see the silly side of you because they're quite familiar with the serious side.
  

I've got a lot of work to do every day towards being the best parent I can be. I see a therapist every other week, and make sure to make myself a priority by making healthy choices.

To your new life...
Claire

Tags: | Divorce | Starting Over | Divorce Help