House Rules

I had a truly proud moment as a mother this week. One of those moments where I know I'll remember where I was standing and what everyone was wearing. Where the cuteness of my child almost brought a tear to my eye... Ok, not really. My darling, angel-like seven year old son threw out the F bomb. At first, I wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly. I was busy doing the bazillion things that a busy single mom does in the mornings, to get myself and my kids ready for an amazing day, and he walked into the kitchen saying that the dog, was making an uck, uck, uck sound, just like F***, F***, F***. I looked at him and said "What did you say?" (Trying to be cool on the outside and totally flipping out inside) and he said, you know mom F***, and then proceeded to spell the word for me, just in case I didn't get it the first four times.

My child is the type of person that if I flip out about something, it gives it power and makes it a big deal, so in the effort to model my best Dr. Dobson parenting, I merely pointed out to my sweet foul mouthed angel that we don't say that word at mom's house.

I asked him where he had heard the word and he quickly responded "Dad's house". Another proud moment... Further questioning revealed that he had heard it from his dad's girlfriend's children who are 16ish and 10. According to my son, "They say it all the time". The good times just keep rolling!

So, this brings up and all too familiar issue with divorced parents and that is the subject of rule setting. My wise friend Ginny told me a long time ago that I needed to sit down with the kids when their dad moved out and give them the ground rules of my house. I pointed out to them that they are going to go to dad's and have different rules and that was ok.

I can't tell you how many times this topic of rule setting comes up. My kids are forever coming home from their dad's house and telling me how they're spending their money, all the new things they have there, etc. I simply and calmly point out that dad spends money differently at his house and now they're at my house. This rule covers bed time, TV, computer usage, and everything else that pertains to kids and what they may be doing between the two houses. They know that I know that I can't control what happens at dad's, but that things are very clear at my house.

My son has ADD and is constantly pushing boundaries. I know that he needs clear boundaries and rules set up and that is what I am providing for him. I'm sure I'll see the big payoff one day when my kids are normal functioning adults. At least, that's what any mom can hope for...

To your new life...
Claire

Tags: | Setting Rules for Children of Divorce | Divorce