This blog is for ongoing dialogue between those of us who have survived divorced and have started the journey of finding out who they are and what they want out of their new lives. It's for support, ideas, and motivation to live a full life.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Perception vs. Reality

Tonight was a perfect example of how communication is so important when co-parenting. My former spouse puts his first initial on the insides of the kids clothes that he buys. Not sure why it's so important to him, but it is. Anyway, he was convinced that I had a bunch of 'his' clothes at my house and wanted them back because there wasn't much for the kids to wear when they were at his place. I get that.

I went through things this morning and found a couple of things and put them into a bag for him to get when he picked up the kids this afternoon. I got a text message while he was out with the kids stating that there were a ton more clothes at my house still. That was obviously his perception.

To make things easy on myself, I just had him come into my house when he dropped off the kids this evening (he only had them for 3 hours) and go through closets to see what he was missing. The reality was that he only found about 4 more things. Not a 'ton'.

One quick sidebar, he had mentioned that he had asked my daughter to collect the clothes and he was frustrated that she hadn't done that. I was polite, but made sure that it was clear to him that it is not her job to take care of this type of stuff. It's ours as her parents. She doesn't need to be in the middle of clothing distribution.

Because there's always two sides to every divorce, perception and reality often get mixed up. It's our jobs as co-parents to clarify and resolve any confusion regarding both sides. When parents can work together, the kids are the big winners, for sure.

To your new life...

Claire

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6 comments:

suchsimplepleasures said...

you have a wonderful blog. i wish, when i was going through my divorce,that i knew of places such as this, for support. i was divorced in 2000. i remarried in 2002. life is so much better the 2nd time around...but, still, going through it when no one else seemed to be...how wonderful this and blogs like this would have been. keep it up. it's terrific!

C said...

My sister in law Karen passed along your blog. My divorce was just final in September. It only took 9 weeks to become finalized but there are still some emotions that I am dealing with. Thanks for your efforts with this blog. I look very forward to keeping up with it. Corinne

Ar said...

thanks for writing...I am in the begining stages of the "divorce process" after seven years of marriage and a 4 year old son my husband feels as though he needs a change (read younger girlfriend). I too am a working mom, and he likes to be picky about things like cloths...makes me feel less alone to read your words.
ar

Frances said...

I really enjoyed your blog, it was full of quiet determination and hope. I.m going through divorce at moment and i find the pangs of loneliness and the dread of being alone really brings me down. I.m a mum of 4 really great kids and still i.m so lonely at times. Does it improve ? could it be that i.m not accepting my singledom in some way perhaps in denial. perhaps a visit to a professional would help.

All the best to you

Unknown said...

How are you doing now?
I wish I had seen your blog way baack in 2004 when I got divorced!
I had done so many things wrong.. When I got divorced after 25 years of marriage, my older daughter was 22 nand the younger 12, I dealt with a lot of backlash, haedship and criticism from all the sectors.. But I never felt lonely. i thought and was hopeful that I have gained a new family.. Me and my two lovely daughters.. That they will love me more now because i have shown the strength and courage to come out of a abusive relationship.. We had our ups and downs as any (I thought) normal family. I never forced or made the girls go against their father.. He wa sthe fun one.. but after all these years, I am left alone.. Older one got married and the younger one in college they prefer to spend time with their dad ove rme.. NOW, I am truly alone and dont know how to cope..try to fill my time with social affaira and friends but.. I am alone.. Whole life I have been around family. Became mom at the age of 19.. just so difficult.. I am trying everything under the book to deal with my lonelyness.. your Blog gave me new hope.. May be I dont need anyone to make me happy.. my happiness come from within.. I will try and find that inner core.. Thank you and all the best.

Unknown said...

How are you doing now?
I wish I had seen your blog way baack in 2004 when I got divorced!
I had done so many things wrong.. When I got divorced after 25 years of marriage, my older daughter was 22 nand the younger 12, I dealt with a lot of backlash, haedship and criticism from all the sectors.. But I never felt lonely. i thought and was hopeful that I have gained a new family.. Me and my two lovely daughters.. That they will love me more now because i have shown the strength and courage to come out of a abusive relationship.. We had our ups and downs as any (I thought) normal family. I never forced or made the girls go against their father.. He wa sthe fun one.. but after all these years, I am left alone.. Older one got married and the younger one in college they prefer to spend time with their dad ove rme.. NOW, I am truly alone and dont know how to cope..try to fill my time with social affaira and friends but.. I am alone.. Whole life I have been around family. Became mom at the age of 19.. just so difficult.. I am trying everything under the book to deal with my lonelyness.. your Blog gave me new hope.. May be I dont need anyone to make me happy.. my happiness come from within.. I will try and find that inner core.. Thank you and all the best.