This blog is for ongoing dialogue between those of us who have survived divorced and have started the journey of finding out who they are and what they want out of their new lives. It's for support, ideas, and motivation to live a full life.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

How Good Are You At Being Alone?

A good friend of mine was going through a divorce and he had commented to me that he was finding out that he wasn't any good at being alone. I acknowledged that fact and kind of thought, man, what's his problem, and boy does he need to do some work. Ironically, I have become keenly aware in the last week that I have not done the alone thing so well either (this realization was facilitated by my therapist).

Since I moved back home after college and lived with my parents for two years before I got married, I am now realizing, that I have never really lived on my own until now. I am pretty good at staying busy when my kids are with their dad and sometimes make so many plans to fill up my free time, that there is no time for just being alone. Now that I'm hyperfocusing on this topic, I'm also aware that if I'm alone in my house, I'm usually doing something to keep myself busy, like housework, yardwork, chatting on the phone, or watching TV. I'm not making time to just sit and reflect, do something creative and just be.

I have started leaving my iPod at home when I'm out exercising and have noticed that I am more at peace when I get home because I was alone with my thoughts and able to appreciate my surroundings. The facts are that divorce catapaults you into aloneness. So, how I deal with it is up to me.

Celebrating my alone time is something I now am working on. I'm not necessarily any good at it yet, but at least I'm making a conscious effort.

To your new life...

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